Diary of a Home Renovation

Dear Diary,
After 17 years of incinerating food in an oven that’s 175 degrees off, we’re finally pulling the trigger on a kitchen reno. My husband’s concerned that 12% of couples plot their partner’s death during home makeovers. ‘Til decorating do us part. Our house has the brass and glass charm that was totally bitchin’ in the 80’s. Demo shouldn’t take more than a molotov cocktail. Before he could change his mind, I came in like a wrecking ball.


Val’s old kitchen

Dear Diary,
I logged 192 km in the car today, without ever leaving the city. Fortunately, the material supply stores are grouped together in the carbon-copy quadrant of way the fuck and gone. My city girl demeanor stands out in the industrial area. I was hoping for Urban Cowboy, without finding a Gilley’s bar in sight. At least I only have to come out this way once or twice…

Dear Diary,
I’m eating those words. The endless excursions have added $500 onto the budget to pay for gas. Today I went paint shopping, only it wasn’t nearly as fun as I thought it would be. It’s overwhelming when there’s more than fifty shades of grey. I’m optimistic I’ll find the perfect colour for my 20 foot wall with this 2 inch paint sample.


Val’s new kitchen

Dear Diary,
I made the mistake of looking at high-end appliances first. I’m still coping with the realization that a sub-zero fridge would be the stainless steel elephant in the room, even if it could store a dead body. All those zero’s on the price tag would freeze up my bank account. I ran out of money some time ago, but the way I spend, you’d never know. Champagne tastes on a line of credit budget.

Dear Diary,
Fingers crossed, the countertops will match the floor. In the past, I’ve only had to worry about the carpet and the drapes. With the opulent cost of granite, I hope there’s real gold in dem dar flecks. The day before the install, they called to say all of our slabs were cracked. We were so lucky to find an even better piece, at only twice the price…


Lori’s old kitchen

Dear Diary,
Holy fuck! I’ve been to Home Depot a hundred times. No one told me this was going to be a full-time job. I don’t recall avoiding STD’s with the same diligence I’ve taken in finding the perfect hood fan. We haven’t had a home cooked meal in weeks. I’m sick of fast food, and tired of going hungry.

Dear Diary,
Why is it when Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a sledgehammer it’s performance art, but when I do it, I’m wasted. This reno is taking its toll. My increased wine consumption has depleted our supply of red solo cups. With only a few days remaining, I’m a hot mess.


Lori’s new kitchen

Dear Diary,
We’re finally done! I’m so happy with my double wall oven and French door fridge. But now my family expects me to cook! The stainless appliances are pretty, but the smudges kick my OCD into overdrive. Replacing linoleum with hardwood completes the room, even when the dust bunnies roll across the floor like tumbleweeds in a Clint Eastwood movie.

Dear Diary,
Happily, hubby and I are still together. I warned him the first 50 years were the hardest. The budget was shot to shit after the first week, but he assures me he’ll work until he’s 80. Renovating is a slippery slope. It’s tough to put the brakes on when the ball is rolling. I won’t be planning more home improvements anytime soon. At least until next year…

Sangria Wine Rack

Call your Contractor’s references. Check out pictures or first hand look of his work.To keep relationships intact, don’t hire a family member or a close friend.
Make a fucking decision and stick to it. Time is money.If changes are made, note the date, time and person’s name responsible for that decision.
Create a file or binder for all your reno receipts, invoices and manuals.Don’t leave important papers at the bottom of your purse to survive on their own.
Splurge on the permanent pieces. Cut costs on the decorative ones that can be replaced.Cheaping out on flooring and countertops will only hamper your resale down the road.
Have a plan. Get design inspiration from magazines, Pinterest and Unless you’re an Interior Designer, you can’t just wing it and expect it to all work out.
Communication is key.I’m unaware of any Contractors who specialize in ESP.
Adapt to any situation that may go sideways. There is always a Plan B.Crying in the fetal position never solves anything.


Tunes you should have on your iPod:
Michael Bublé ✸ Home
Crowded House ✿ Don’t Dream It’s Over
Talking Heads ✤ Burning Down The House

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  1. Valerie Coulombe

    I have kitchen envy! We are still getting over the basement development hangover, but now that I see the transformation, maybe I could handle one more big reno…..

  2. Bonnie Faucher

    Kitchens are beautiful girls!

  3. Val MacLean

    Thanks ladies! It’s worth the pain. Can’t wait to see your new pad Bonnie.

  4. laurie fowke

    Love your Kitchens, they look frikking amazing!!! So agree about the stainless steel… drives me crazy!!

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