It’s easy to see why so many countries poke good-natured fun at Canadians. We provide the material ourselves, with beer-swilling hozers like Bob and Doug McKenzie, or the gang on Corner Gas. It’s amusing to us, but when others lampoon our home and native land, it verges on ballsy. Family can joke that your newborn is f’ugly, but everyone else should shut the fuck up.
Yes, we’re polite, but we’re not pushovers. We’re friendly, but we won’t hesitate to drop the gloves. We’re sorry we’re not sorry. We have a low crime rate, despite my bad-ass friends. We may not be the popular kids, but we’re not the bastards or bullies. We’re politically stable to the point of being dull.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
It’s seems a little loonie that we get mocked for our good manners. Sorry, but I don’t remember ordering a glass of your opinion. It’s interesting that Parisians welcome us with a double kiss, while the Quebecois separate their lower cheeks for a pucker. It’s ludicrous that Rob Ford remained in office for so long when an AA (Eh, Eh) meeting was only 12 steps away.
I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out.
If you’re dating a guy with a mullet and missing teeth, he damn well better be a hockey player. It’s ironic that a country famous for peacekeeping, sports an obsession with bloody battle sport. Nothing unites Canadians more than the good ol’ hockey game, and back-to-back Olympic golds. During the final game in Sochi, liquor laws were bent to justify getting juiced at breakfast. It must be 5:00 a.m. somewhere. I’m no puck bunny, but I’ve definitely scored on a hockey player.
Irish I were drunk right now.
It’s obvious that many of us hail from Ireland, Scotland, or Germany. Saskatchewan is renowned for Pilsner beer, and the (prairie) dogged determination you can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning. Anyone who says Canadians can’t party like rockstars has never been to the Calgary Stampede. Maritimers nurse a drink called Screech, the nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, how the hell did I end up on the bathroom floor medicine.
If looks could kilo.
In B.C., Bud and Maryjane get brownie points for peacefully resolving the economic crisis. No glaring danger or drug cartels here. Take that Columbia. There’s a long line of countries that lust after our health care system. Everytime I hear a mean joke about being Canadian, I get my feelings checked for free. We don’t have the heavy burden of obesity like the U.S., but we do look a little bloated next to the Japanese.
Cheers to the Great White North. May the only ice you encounter be in your drink…
In the wake of the recent tragic events in Ottawa and Montreal, we would like to pay our respects to all the Canadian soldiers and first responders who put their life on the line everyday to keep us safe. Thank you for your service.
Tunes you should have on your iPod:
Michael Bublé ✿ Home
Jann Arden ✦ Waiting In Canada
Tom Cochrane & Red Rider ✪ Big League
Check out this week’s Sister Shout Out ~ The Grizzly Paw
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