Family Ties

First child eats dirt. Parent calls doctor.
Second child eats dirt. Parent cleans out mouth.
Third child eats dirt. Parent wonders if she really needs to feed him lunch.

Me: As children, my younger sister and I spent endless hours amusing ourselves with our Barbies and cut-outs. I would decide whether Barbie was in her camper, at her dream house, or if Ken had a hummer. She was the perfect playmate, always agreeable and accommodating. It was just Her and Me, equal partners on a level playing field.

Her: Equal? I always had to be Skipper or GI Joe. My cut-outs were missing their shoulder tabs and the doll delegated to me had a “haircut” and one eye that wouldn’t open. She made the rules but I was just happy to be included.

Me: The teen years arrived and the dynamic between us shifted. She was still a great sidekick providing my friends weren’t available. Our roles were clearly defined as long as she recognized me as Queen Bee. Being the oldest I was worldly and wise and taught her everything she needed to know by 6th grade.  It was time to head out into the world.

Her: When the dust settled at the heels of her departure, I was the lone star of the show. Time for this Princess to step up and find my own spotlight. I will miss her though. Who’s gonna do all that shit work for me now?

Me: Present day and our relationship has matured into that of fine tuned dance partners. I shuffle, she shimmies. She accepts that Mom likes me best. No matter how serious life gets, you have to have one person you can be completely stupid with.

Her: Being the baby means I’m not always the strongest or smartest person in the room. It’s a good thing I’m the prettiest.


She bangs, she bangs…

Are you a leader or a follower? Before you even exit the womb your temperament, quirks, and idiosyncrasies can be chalked up to your birth order. That explains why one of us is a bossypants and the other is a ham. Growing up, large families of six or seven children were on every block. Station wagons with rear-facing third row seats were unavoidable, and inescapable. Family hierarchy and dominance was firmly established on long road trips.

Firstborns are showered with undivided attention. Every milestone is recorded. Brand-new parents cut their teeth at the same time as their newborns. Middle children have huge holes in their baby books and often feel ignored, enough to warrant their own syndrome. As is usual for middle children, we’re going to skip over them.  The youngest family members readily accept their role as attention whores, so it’s inconceivable they have no baby pictures. Last born children assume their parents stopped having sex after finally creating the perfect child.


Forget zodiac signs, birth order can help forecast your love match.  The family pecking order can be a key factor in determining your compatibility.

Position+Match=CompatibilityCocktail Concoction
Firstborn+Firstborn=Power StruggleSake bomb
Firstborn+Middle=ParadoxBlack Russian
Firstborn+Lastborn=BlissTequila Sunrise
Middle+Lastborn=Good MatchChampagne and orange juice
Lastborn+Lastborn=ChaosWhiskey Sour
Only child+Lastborn=TimelessOld Fashioned

Families are never perfect, and every tree has its share of nuts, sour lemons, and rotten apples. But while other relationships may change, family will always be family. It’s hard to say who influences and who fucks us up the most; the siblings, parents, or peers. The fascinating fact is that regardless of nature, nurture, and gene pool, birth order personalities shine through so distinctly.  It’s all relative…

Little sisters – gladly doing what you tell them for 18 years

Sangria Wine Rack

First BornMiddle ChildLast BornOnly Child
Risk Averse
RRSP’s please
Penny stocks
Risk Taker
In Control
Cash only
Taken seriouslyRead people wellHard workingProblem solver
Natural Born Leader
First Mate
Can I show you the right way to do that?
I said it first
Self Centered
Better to be late, than arrive ugly
Thank you, daddy
Hard time with creative projectsDon’t do well with a hierarchy systemDo not like commitmentFearful of trying new things
Vanilla sex
Cirque du soleil sex
Milk, bread, eggs, butter...
Bow, chicka wow, wow♪

Recommended tunes you should have on your iPod:

Sister Sledge ✥We Are Family
Train ✮ Hey Soul Sister
Avicii ✹ Hey Brother


Join the discussion

  1. Dawn Marie Parker Pighin

    I am so the last child of four. Holy terror hahahahaha

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Let's Be Friends!

Good things come to those who subscribe.

Join the sisterhood for some real and relatable laughs!

You have Successfully Subscribed!