The Calgary Stampede Good, Bad & Ugly

10 Days of Downhome Debauchery 

The Good

real cowboys
✹ whooping it up with great friends
red solo cup, I fill you up, let’s have a party
✹ over two million mini-donuts served
✹ ice cold beer, good for what ‘ales’ you
✹ all hail the Stampede Queens and Princesses
✹ Dear Lord: thank you for cowboy butts. Amen
✹ William Shatner a.k.a. Captain Kirk as parade marshal
✹ deep fried peanut butter cups, Oreos, cookie dough
✹ free shows by hot young artists at the Coca-Cola stage
✹ the heart-pounding action of the chuckwagon races
✹ the thrill of being led by a man who knows how to two-step
✹ intense heat, sunshine, hail, rain, sleet, snow, all in the same day
✹ raising a glass with old colleagues, friends, and acquaintances
✹ R.I.P. Silver Slipper, Golden Garter, and Crossroads beer gardens
✹ covering every inch of the dance floor doin’ the butterfly polka
✹ dust off that cowboy hat, buckle, and boots, and belly up to the bar
✹ outdoor concerts featuring Bryan Adams, Doobie Brothers, Rob Thomas
✹ fun for all ages, and inspiring to see other partygoers who are older than you
✹ lingo: yeehaw, giddy-up, howdy, cowboy up, shindig, hankering for some vittles  
✹ there’s a little cowgirl in every woman…set her free
save a horse, ride a cowgirl










The Bad

❇ $$$$
❇ hitting on 18 year old tub tarts
hurry up and wait in another lineup
I fear no beer…but warm draft is scary
❇ port-o-potties, put on your hazmat suit
❇ non-stop traffic, no parking, taxis are scarce
❇ sore tired feet from boots you wear once a year
❇ dehydration, how can that be?...I’ve been drinking all day
❇ avoid the fairgrounds on Kid’s Day, honk if you love peace and quiet
❇ deep fried cheezies, because powdered cheese tastes better fried twice
❇ carnival carnies, making you feel better about your family every day
❇ one million visitors every year, which is approximately 500,001 to many
❇ bruises on your arms and body from being tossed around doin’ the butterfly polka
❇ getting hit from behind from other drunken polka dancing two-steppers
❇ 17,000 inebriated people at one party, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em










The Ugly

✥ port-o-potties on the last day
✥ wicked hangovers from warm draft beer
✥ deep fried donut bacon cheeseburgers
✥ wounded animals at the rodeo or chucks
✥ drunk slutty housewives seeking attention
✥ gin breakfast at 7:00 a.m. = wasted by noon
✥ married men air brushing their wedding ring tan lines

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