Entertainment

The Calgary Stampede Good, Bad & Ugly

10 Days of Downhome Debauchery 

The Good

real cowboys
✹ whooping it up with great friends
red solo cup, I fill you up, let’s have a party
✹ over two million mini-donuts served
✹ ice cold beer, good for what ‘ales’ you
✹ all hail the Stampede Queens and Princesses
✹ Dear Lord: thank you for cowboy butts. Amen
✹ William Shatner a.k.a. Captain Kirk as parade marshal
✹ deep fried peanut butter cups, Oreos, cookie dough
✹ free shows by hot young artists at the Coca-Cola stage
✹ the heart-pounding action of the chuckwagon races
✹ the thrill of being led by a man who knows how to two-step
✹ intense heat, sunshine, hail, rain, sleet, snow, all in the same day
✹ raising a glass with old colleagues, friends, and acquaintances
✹ R.I.P. Silver Slipper, Golden Garter, and Crossroads beer gardens
✹ covering every inch of the dance floor doin’ the butterfly polka
✹ dust off that cowboy hat, buckle, and boots, and belly up to the bar
✹ outdoor concerts featuring Bryan Adams, Doobie Brothers, Rob Thomas
✹ fun for all ages, and inspiring to see other partygoers who are older than you
✹ lingo: yeehaw, giddy-up, howdy, cowboy up, shindig, hankering for some vittles  
✹ there’s a little cowgirl in every woman…set her free
save a horse, ride a cowgirl

image001

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Bad

❇ $$$$
❇ hitting on 18 year old tub tarts
hurry up and wait in another lineup
I fear no beer…but warm draft is scary
❇ port-o-potties, put on your hazmat suit
❇ non-stop traffic, no parking, taxis are scarce
❇ sore tired feet from boots you wear once a year
❇ dehydration, how can that be?...I’ve been drinking all day
❇ avoid the fairgrounds on Kid’s Day, honk if you love peace and quiet
❇ deep fried cheezies, because powdered cheese tastes better fried twice
❇ carnival carnies, making you feel better about your family every day
❇ one million visitors every year, which is approximately 500,001 to many
❇ bruises on your arms and body from being tossed around doin’ the butterfly polka
❇ getting hit from behind from other drunken polka dancing two-steppers
❇ 17,000 inebriated people at one party, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em

image003

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Ugly

✥ port-o-potties on the last day
✥ wicked hangovers from warm draft beer
✥ deep fried donut bacon cheeseburgers
✥ wounded animals at the rodeo or chucks
✥ drunk slutty housewives seeking attention
✥ gin breakfast at 7:00 a.m. = wasted by noon
✥ married men air brushing their wedding ring tan lines

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

Let's Be Friends!



Good things come to those who subscribe.


Join the sisterhood for some real and relatable laughs!

You have Successfully Subscribed!

x