The Best Parts Of Summer Our Kids Will Never Know

1. We drank out of a hose and lived to tell about it.

At full blast, a garden hose was the original waterpik, and a highspeed way to excavate popcorn kernels from your teeth.

2. Punch drunk

The sugar buzz resulting from gallons of purple Kool-Aid led to 1) our love of grapes, 2) a permanent ‘stache stain, and 3) a lifetime of dental work.

3. Drive-in movies were the the ultimate big screen

Pre-teen, jammie clad children camped on the hood of Dad’s car. Horny teens fondled awkwardly in the back seat of Dad’s car, grooving to G-rated movies in R-rated cars.

4. Old-school playgrounds that might have killed you

From searing hot cast iron slides, to tetanus inspired merry-go-rounds, hazardous playgrounds were a riot. The fun police have removed all risk by rebuilding them in childproof bubbles.

5. I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike

We were never two-tired to go for a spin. Flower-powered banana seats put the fun between your legs. Nowadays, I can’t sit down for a week because I broke my vagina in spin class.

6. Welcome to our “ool.” There’s no P in it.

We lived at the outdoor swimming pool. Green hair, don’t care. A combination of Sun-In and chlorine made our locks stiffen as hard as a teenage boy’s hankie.

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  1. ken

    Ah, takes me back to when I was would complain about being bored. Why did I ever complain!

  2. Lesa Hegland

    haha, freakin fantastic – all seems like yesterday and so fun and easy! thanks for the walk down the summer memory lane!

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