Alcohol Astrology ~ Sangria Style

Hey baby, what’s your sign? In my single days I’d banter back with “slippery when wet.” Astrology and horoscopes are hit or miss entertainment, forecasting our future through the stars. What could go wrong with that? The Sisters looked deep inside their crystal ball [a Sangria punch bowl] to reveal how your zodiac sign influences your drinking style.

AriesNever satisfiedDoesn’t matter, they won’t like it
TaurusSalt of the EarthTequila and lime
CancerMoody JudyJagerbomb
LeoThe BossScotch and a Cuban (with or without a cigar)
VirgoBrand loyaltyBailey’s Irish Cream
LibraSocial drinkerRed Wine, White Wine, Beer
ScorpioLike it hot, hot, hotFireball Whiskey
SagittariusLife of the partyMai Tai (with a side of lamp shade)
CapricornCool as iceDirty Martini
AquariusDrink nurserPerrier water
PiscesCry in their drinkGin and Tears


Aries: Mar 21 ~ Apr 19

Fun DrunkOff NightYou’re an animal...
Friendly, Loud, Alcohol goes comes outArgumentative, Brutally honest, Sloppy drunkNothing kills the mood like a head-butt from a horny Ram.

Taurus: Apr 20 ~ May 20

Mellow, (Cab) Savvy, Mama needs a cocktailStubborn, Temperamental,
Happy hour = scrappy hour.
If a Bull can’t dazzle ‘em with brilliance, she’ll baffle ‘em with bullshit.

Gemini: May 21 ~ June 20

Chatty, Flirty, The party arrives when a Gemini walks inMultiple personalities, Short attention span, NervousTwins will double your pleasure, double your fun.

Cancer: June 21 ~ July 22

Emotional, Storytellers, I’ve got the moves like JägerOver-emotional, Moody, Weepy drunksCrabs sometimes come across as shellfish...

Leo: July 23 ~ Aug 22

Magnetic personality, Talkative, Dancing QueensOpinionated, Bossy, Self-centeredOccasionally, even a Lion has to swallow her pride.

Virgo: Aug 23 ~ Sept 22

Shy, Wine sipper, Will let loose with liquid courageFussy, Doesn’t like crowds, Already wondering why they came to this partyThe Virgin popped her cherry years ago, but still has the box it came in.

Libra: Sept 23 ~ Oct 22

Gift of gab, Happy-go-lucky,
Drinks are like potato chips…
can’t have just one
Lack self control, Indecisive, Self-indulgentOn a Scale of 1 to David Hasselhoff, how drunk are you?

Scorpio: Oct 23 ~ Nov 21

Most likely to get ship-faced on a booze cruise, Good conversationalist, PassionateSecretive, Don’t hold anything back, Intense Post-coitus, a female Scorpion makes a meal out of her mate.

Sagittarius: Nov 22 ~ Dec 21

Life of the party, Spontaneous,
After this I’m streaking
Sharp tongue, Aspires to out-drink their sisters, SkepticalThe lustful maiden said to the handsome Archer, “You make me quiver.”

Capricorn: Dec 22 ~ Jan 19

Perfect drinking buddy,
Fits into any party, Humorous
Not eager to please, Status thirsty, SarcasticShit just Goat serious.

Aquarius: Jan 20 ~ Feb 18

Socializes easily when sober, Honest, a DD who will oblige your fast food cravingQuick change personality, Know-it-all, UnemotionalWater Bearers like to nurse a tall glass of ‘Don’t give a fuck.’

Pisces: Feb 19 ~ Mar 20

Great partner in crime, Sensitive, ThoughtfulMood swings, Easily led, Addictive personalityDresses like a lady, drinks like a Fish.

Val’s a true Libra. She’s beauty, she’s grace, she’s got a resting bitch face. Lori’s a partial Capricorn. She’s occasionally classy, never trashy, and can get a little nasty. The only thing we can truly predict is… there is wine in your future!

JOIN THE SISTERHOOD. Subscribe today!
SHARE using the Facebook and Twitter icons below.

Join the discussion

  1. Joanne

    Dresses like a lady, drinks like a fish. Sounds about right.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Let's Be Friends!

Good things come to those who subscribe.


Join the sisterhood for some real and relatable laughs!

You have Successfully Subscribed!