Sandbags, Coat hooks, Beagle ears
What can we say, gravity’s a b-i-t-c-h. If you’re confident you’d clean up/wipe the floor in a saggy boob competition, you may be a woman over 50.
Chesticles, Moobs, Mitties [man titties]
If you take inventory of your body in a full-length mirror and think “Dear God…I’m turning into my Mother,” you may be a man over 50.
I’d love to stay and chat, but I really
If you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache, and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore, you may be a woman over 50.
Male pattern blindness
If you’re too sexy for your hair [so it relocated to your nostrils and ears], you may be a man over 50.
Brows on fleek…or playing hide and seek?
Contrary to men’s bushy brows, ours become so sparse we’re driven to draw them on. If you enjoy raising a few eyebrows, you may be a woman over 50.
Eyebrows speak louder than words
“I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.” If your untamed tufts remind you of baby caterpillars, you may be a man over 50.
No, I said I’ve got acute angina
If you’ve ever ridden a camel [toe] across the Mojave Desert in search of a [lube in a tube] oasis, you may be a woman over 50.
I’m not crazy but my testicles are nuts
The male sex drive through the ages:
Ages 16-32 Tri-weekly
Ages 33-52 Try weekly
Age 52 and up Try weakly
Sorry, I ovary-acted
If my greatest fear is that menopause doesn’t exist and this is the REAL me, I am a spirited woman over 50.