Teenagers Are Humans Too

The moment your kid is tall enough to look you square in the eye, is the minute you stop seeing eye to eye. Mirror, mirror on the wall, I’ve become my mother after all. Welcome to the long-standing struggle for independence.

We grew up free wheeling and fun (nudge nudge wink wink), so it’s flabbergasting when they’re just not into us. I tell my spawn, if I seem obsessed to know where you’ve been, it’s because my DNA will be found at the scene.

Teenagers aren’t cookie cutter, but they sure are textbook. At the first signs of puberty, agreeable adolescents are abducted by surly smart-asses. It’s like feeding the hand that bites you.

Extreme mood swings are signs their brains are still under construction, and are eerily similar to a peri-menopausal Mom. Your mega-meltdown really helped me see your side of things…said no Mom (or youngin’) ever.

Teenagers are masters in the art of bartering. Every rule is volleyed back with a counter offer. From clothing (or lack thereof) to curfew, our offspring boast the diplomacy skills of a seasoned hostage negotiator.

The trouble with trouble is it starts out like fun. This cart was known to jump the rails. I was constantly grounded because, in my house, missing curfew by 10 minutes was the same as an hour. We had to decide if the party was worth serving hard time.

Puberty replaces childlike 3D glasses with one-dimensional blinders. Right when we reach our breaking point, and eagerly countdown the days till blast off, these alien creatures return home to the mother ship. Funny how we’re not so stupid after all.

Teenager Transcript

A+Does what I say and NOT what I did
AAlways obeys their parents...when they’re within sight
A-Is actually where the GPS says he is
B+Hugs you in public
BFriends you on Facebook
B-Reigning beer pong champion
C+Gives “go f yourself” look when reprimanded
CDating Satan
C-Hides puke garbage can in bedroom closet
D+Lifts money from your wallet
DSells weed to your friends
D-Quits school to work the pole
FStill living at home at 35


Join the discussion

  1. Your favourite daughter/niece

    The C- sounds familiar and I know it’s not from my experience

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