I Really Shouldn't Archives

9 hours ago

CHUGGA CHUGGA TOOT TOOTWhen we were young, Mom preferred to use the word “spark” in lieu of fart, as potty humour was reserved for stinky boys. “Eew, you sparked!” would have us rolling with laughter, which inevitably led to more sparks.After big meals, our family would collectively unfasten our Levi’s to digest. Once word of our naiveté got out, we were mercilessly mocked by our peers. Thus, began a lifelong discretion of perfecting the back door breeze.When sparks fly in a hot n’ heavy new relationship, gastro-glitches can be a shitty little secret. I’d run into a different room to let ‘er rip, rather than risk the anal acoustics. For dudes, the ultimate display of gaslighting is a dutch oven or pull-my-finger prank, earning them a master’s degree in fine farts.You don’t lose your spark in a long term romance, you simply don’t make a stink over bottom burps anymore. I’m growing accustomed to crop dusting grocery aisles. Pro-tip: leave a headphone out to monitor the audio, and never make eye contact.Sixty percent of the flatulence comes out of nowhere. They just fall out of my body, hither nither. There’s nothing wrong with a little jet-propelled exertion to get my bumsen burner off the couch, and it often adds 20 yards to my golf drive.It’s normal to fluff, poof, puff, squeak, clap and quack 14 to 24 times per day, so spark ‘em if you got ‘em. Butt, as we’ve learned, don’t boom boom a bubbler in the shower unless you’re scrubbing solo.Tooting your own horn is a good sign of a fiber fueled diet and healthy colon. If folks couldn’t release gas, we’d inflate like helium balloons, until a rearmost cheek sneak would send you oscillating ‘round the room. You’ll find us gallivanting into our golden years with a twinkle in our eye, and an effervescent spark in our step!JOIN THE SISTERHOOD, Like, follow, share! 🍷sangriasisters.ca/chugga-chugga-toot-toot/ ... See MoreSee Less

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Sangria Sisters Blog

1 week ago

Always includes a homemade snack that’s made with love!Ever wondered what's in a BB4CK lunch? 🥪 🍎Each meal is packed with care by 600+ incredible individuals who volunteer in our downtown kitchen or one of our nearly 30 community groups all around the city! While every kid has different needs, we craft and deliver sandwiches, veggies, fruit, and a yummy snack to help over 7,000 kids thrive. Isn't it amazing? 🌟Which part of this lunch do you think kids love the most? Tell us in the comments!#bb4ck #bb4ckcommunity #calgarycares #yycvolunteers #calgarynow ... See MoreSee Less

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Sangria Sisters Blog

2 weeks ago

THE LIABILITIES OF BEING A LEFTYFor thousands of years, left-handers were branded with a scarlet letter L. Deemed weak, luciferian, and mercilessly persecuted, while the almighty right-handers ruled the roost. By the 1960’s, corporal punishment was flogging its way out of public schools, no longer forcing lefties to write right.Hey you! Get out of the gene pool! In our family of nine, only three of us are in our right mind. Considering 90% of the population are righties, it’s clear the spunky swimmers of our forefathers were trying to drown us out. The genetic lottery is a random luck of the fucking draw.Trials and Tribulations:🖐️ I’m sure I’d be a scratch golfer had that driver been placed in my dominant hand.🖐️ The absolute privilege of paying more for sporting equipment and musical instruments.🖐️ Can openers can suck my dick!🖐️ Nothing spruces up the cuff of a white blouse like dragging it though fresh ballpoint ink.🖐️ You’ll never understand the skillset of cutting a straight line with upside down scissors.🖐️ A hefty dry cleaning bill from rubbing elbows at the dinner table with fellow red wine drinkers.🖐️ After all these years, I still fight the urge to extend my southpaw for a handshake.🖐️ I’d give my right hand to be ambidextrous.🖐️ My kingdom for a left-sided car console and cup holder.🖐️ Katy Perry’s choreography challenged left shark wasn’t doin’ it right.My fellow lefties, feel free to lament!JOIN THE SISTERHOOD, Like, Follow, Share! 🍷sangriasisters.ca/the-liabilities-of-being-a-lefty/ ... See MoreSee Less

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Sangria Sisters Blog

2 weeks ago

Join us for a fun way to make an impact at the @ovariancancercanada “Illuminite” fundraiser on Thursday, April 18! Ovarian cancer, known as the silent killer, affects women in all walks of life. Together we can make a difference! 🩵........@fortunas.row @sro.bar #ovariancancerawareness ... See MoreSee Less

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