Entertainment

Social Media Madams

As bloggers and self-admitted attention whores, we’re very active on social media. It’s a powerful way to network without wearing pants. It’s also time consuming, tedious, and habit-forming. The best part is the camaraderie and friendships formed with complete strangers. The worst part is everything below.

1. Judge and Jury
An Instagram photo of Victoria Beckham planting a gentle kiss on her 5-year-old daughter triggered a media shit storm. It was deemed suggestive, even sexual, because it was on the lips. Pardon my French, but that’s fucked up. And yes, I kiss my Mama with this mouth. On the lips. Every damn time.

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2. Sanctimommies
There’s a new generation of cyberspace bullies who savor their superiority. Sanctimommies troll Facebook and mommy blogs pouncing on our parenting skills. Your baby won’t latch? Well, something’s wrong with you. They can breastfeed an infant, a 352-month-old, and a 28-year-old husband… all at the same time.

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3. Face your problems, don’t Facebook them.
Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria… in a mental hospital. The mood of the minute is revealed for the world to see. Pssst, your PMS is showing. Or perhaps parading pics of my perfect family will distract from the fact we’re going through a rough patch. There’s no poker face on social media.

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4. Stalkers
Stalkers creep quietly so you never see them; but they see you. Even when your privacy settings are set to Fort Knox, a viral voyeur will find that 10-year old swimsuit photo, and save it in their spank-bank. The web’s six degrees of Kevin Bacon is a picturesque perk for pervs.

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5. I’d double tap that…
Instagram is instant gratification. The ‘likes’ are as rewarding as a gold star/round of applause. More women than ever rely on likes for validation and self-esteem. But there’s internal judgement. Your food never looks as good, your family is f’uglier, and even Mother Nature looks better with a filter.

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6. #Twitter << is just #plain @stupid.

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  1. Ken

    Totally get social media now and will continue to think about participating. And sorry about the stalking.

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