No one told me…
I’d have to worry about 5:00 shadow.
I’d apply deodorant before bed to (right)guard against sweaty sleeps.
That trimming nose hair would become part of my beauty routine.
We’ve faced some of life’s biggest challenges and a mountain of milestones. Like when the kids finally let you pee alone. There’s comfort in knowing many important questions have already been answered.
A hangover is nature’s way of grounding you as a grown-up
When the hell did it start taking 3 days to bounce back from a boozy night? The best cure for the dreaded morning after is to be under the age of 30.
I’m getting too old for this zit
My skin: “Boy, you sure look happy.”
Me: “Thank you, I’m feeling great.”
My skin: “I’ve been meaning to try out jawline acne again.”
Not guilty by reason of menopause
Estrogen and Progesterone are bitchy little drama queens, but we miss their sorry asses when they’re gone.
I’d get attitude
I finally don’t give a shit what other people think. The advantage of getting older is you stop seeking approval from others. That’s right…you’re a Badass MF!!
I’d miss my eyesight the most
I can never find my glasses so I asked the pharmacist to read the ridiculously small print. On the way home, I glanced in the rear view mirror and found them perched on top of my head. They say laughter is the best medicine, but Xanax is a close second.
Don’t worry about avoiding temptation, as you get older it avoids you
I finally got my head together but my body snap, crackles and pops. Middle age is naively believing you’ll feel better in the morning.
I fart when I walk
So, I got that goin’ for me.
Bite your lip, I’m coming in dry
As a youth, my T-zone was so oily I could have sold the drilling rights. Now I’m dry and itchy… all over.
Not my circus, not my monkeys
I’m better at solving conflict because it’s easier to see the big picture. The difference between a major and a minor problem is often how you handle it.
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