1. Is Aunt Flo’s monthly visit 3-5 business days, or are weekends included?
2. It’s ironic how feminine hygiene ads depict chill women. Shouldn’t they be revving chainsaws and burning shit down?
3. The uterus covets babies. Women over 40 say 1) this womb is for decoration only, and 2) fat chance I’m giving up wine. A denied uterus is out for blood.
4. Men can’t understand why once a month, women go completely crazy for 30 days.
5. My wife just ate a Snickers bar, and she’s still a bitch.
6. If dudes had periods, they’d brag about the size of their tampons. I’m sporting a super jumbo plus. My cycle lasted longer than yours.
7. Almost 7 billion people on this planet, and I can tolerate three at the most.
8. A hormotional woman creates more drama than a Spanish Telemundo.
9. Men naively believe a gotchie-pull is equivalent to riding the cotton pony.
10. Apologies to my peeps [victims] for ovary-acting. I didn’t choose the vag life. The vag life chose me.
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