I don’t remember much from last night,
but the fact I need sunglasses to open the fridge
this morning tells me it was awesome…
Chances are you’ve woke up with a heavy head, fuzzy tongue, and the scent of Eau de Merlot oozing from your pores. Blame it on the wine flu. I consider myself a hangover connoisseur. Sometimes you just have to say fuck it when the forecast calls for mostly drunk with a chance of regret, and accept that hangovers are the price you pay to play.
Dinner and Drinks
Culprit: martini, caesar, wine, aperitifs
Buzz word: sauced, stewed, fried
Going in: good spirits, content, just what the doctor ordered
Morning after: dull headache, dry mouth, off kilter
Sister Sin: I don’t get drunk, I get awesome. Food baby and gastrointestinal distress discourage attempts at romance, and kept us from sharing the same bedroom
Spouse’s Company Party
Culprit: wine, champagne
Buzz word: tipsy, tight, feeling no pain
Going in: apprehensive, pre-party drinks equals personality, socially lubricated
Morning after: sheepish, tentative, what did I say?
Sister Sin: Champagne is just ginger ale that knows somebody. Upon leaving the party, I announced loudly and repeatedly that I couldn’t find my beaver…a full-length mink coat borrowed from my mother-in-law.
Girl’s Night Out
Culprit: wine, beer, vodka
Buzz word: pickled, juiced, lit up
Going in: warm fuzzies, belly laughs, dancing queens
Morning after: debriefing required, poor memory, short attention span
Sister Sin: I’m not as think as you drunk I am. Getting home at midnight isn’t bad…unless you’re coming from a ladies lunch.
Culprit: paralyzers, coconut rum, coolers, jello shots, tequila, baileys, fireball whiskey
Buzz word: wasted, pissed, loaded
Going in: pacing, marathon, endurance, protein bars
Morning after: more of the same, back on the roller coaster, barking with the big dogs
Sister Sin: You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. Throwing up Sambuca is just like pulling licorice through your nose.
Culprit: One too many
Buzz word: tanked, bombed, blasted
Going in: zero expectations, oblivious to what’s about to go down, surreal moments
Morning after: wake up feeling good, false sense of security, greasy cravings, queasy by noon, back to bed by 2:00 pm
Sister Sin: Kiss my furry pink ass. The ‘Easter Bunny’ wasn’t able to hop out of bed for an early morning egg hunt…or afternoon egg dyeing…or Easter dinner. Bad Bunny.
On A Mission
Buzz word: drunk as a skunk, polluted, plastered
Going in: premeditated, bender-bound, overzealous
Morning after: nausea, diarrhea, dehydrated, shaking like a leaf, mission accomplished
Sister Sin: Well played tequila. Well played.
Oh No, She Didn’t
Culprit: Anything and everything
Buzz word: hammered, fucked-up, shit-faced
Going in: running on adrenaline, sloppy from the start, OMFG
Morning after: mortified, dizzy, vomiting, fetal position, dry toast
Sister Sin: How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you’re on. Paid $150 to see a favorite band in concert…only to listen to the whole show from the bathroom stall.
Sangria Wine Rack
|The morning after...|
the night before
|I told you so|
|Feather the nest||Eat a carb fueled meal |
beer loves pizza
|Don’t drink on an empty stomach bile is vile|
|Your favourite colour||Keep it light when it comes to the hard stuff||Stay away from dark liquors|
|How we roll||Order top shelf hooch to filter impurities, like an escort you get what you pay for||Don’t consume sugary mixes or coolers|
|Pre-pass out||Take B6, Gravol, Milk Thistle||Don’t skip the water|
|Remedy||Aspirin or Ibuprofen (Advil)||Avoid Acetaminophen
Tylenol + Alcohol = Bad Liver
|Rehydrate||Drink mineral water, sports drinks||No ‘Hair of the Dog’
♪ now you’re messin’ with a...
|If you can stomach it||BRAT: bananas, rice, apples, toast |
not together but in that order
|Don’t answer the call from bacon and eggs, it’s a wrong number|
|Sweat it out||He told me sex and a nap would take the edge off||Don’t sit in a sauna
save what saliva you have left
Recommended tunes you should have on you iPod:
Taio Cruz ✤ Hangover
Jimmy Buffett ✸ Margaritaville
Matt Dusk ✭ Two Shots Of Happy, One Shot Of Sad