Jobs I would not be good at
Hooker – It would suck.
Taxi Driver – If I wanted to pick up strangers in the night, I would’ve been a hooker.
Gynecologist – “Hello…hello..hello..hello…”
Psychologist – Zero chance of having Analysis Paralysis because, most times, I’m not really listening.
Police Officer – “No, you go check it out. I’ll back you up”.
Accountant – Dear Algebra: Stop asking us to find your X. She’s not coming back. We don’t know Y.
Pharmacist – One for you, two for me.
Military – Unless I was In The Navy with some Macho Macho Men.
Air Traffic Controller – “Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.”
Naval Architect – Bellybuttons creep me out.
Taxidermist – The only time I stuff a dead animal is for a holiday meal.
Chef – If only I could plate it, faster than I eat it.
Professional Athlete – I can’t train for anything year-round, unless Sangria Swilling is a sport.
Jobs I would be great at
Sangria Swiller – Seriously, somebody pay me for this.
NASCAR Driver – I find myself drafting with other cars on the way to get groceries.
Phone Sex Operator – Then I could just phone it in.
Illustrator – I play a mean game of Pictionary.
Event Planner – From gala’s to weenie roasts, keggers to preggers, we’ve planned ‘em all.
Chocolatier – Perfect job for a chocoholic.
Interior Designer – Budget, smudget.
Yoga Instructor – There can only be one, Jodi Wan Kenobi. Namaste.
Cruise Ship Director – Julie’s got nothin’ on Me.
First Lady – Unfortunately, you could play checkers with my past.
Greeting Card Creator – Sarcasm folded and delivered in an envelope.
Professional Blogger – As in, a blogger who gets paid.
Podcaster – The Hoda and Kathie Lee wine imbibers of the Web.
Paradise Island Caretaker – I shit you not. This real position payed $110,00 for a 6-month contract.
Pro Golfer – I drain my best shots at the nineteenth hole.
Tunes you should have on your iPod:
Billy Joel ✿ Piano Man
Loverboy ✤ Working For The Weekend
Chris de Burgh ✸ Patricia The Stripper
Check out this week’s Sister Shout Out ~ Christine Hadden Lamb