Health

The Evolution of Sex

I lost my virginity, but I still have the box it came in!

Chapter I:  We have the right tools for the job, but no idea how to use them.

Before you round all four bases, a lot time is spent beating around the bush. Steamy kisses, heavy petting, and dry humping are the main event, not the pregame show.

Girls are smitten with the slow dance of romance. Boys can’t wait to give ‘er the sliver. By the time you finally score, the two-minute lust-and-thrust leaves you wondering what all the fuss is about.

Ever since I said I DO, there’s lots of things I don’t!

Chapter II:  Still have the right tools, but unless you’re hammered, you’re too tired to nail.

After years of wrapping it in foil before checking her oil, baby-making is a mind fuck. Pulling the goalie is not only fun and games, it’s an enjoyable job.

Once the tater tots arrive, makin’ bacon gets put on the back burner. Consider taking it out in trade. Dudes who do dishes, dust, and tuck babes in bed, leave more time to rummage in her root cellar.

Food has replaced sex. Now I can’t even get into my own pants!

Chapter III: Blessed with an arsenal of tools, but they’re getting rusty.

After a quarter century with the same partner, lovin’ gets a little lazy. Like when you’re hungry for a clubhouse sandwich, but don’t have the desire to make it.

It’s not easy going down a dry waterslide. With all the hormones happening, maybe it’s time to give power tools a whirl. If only to avoid hearing “pull my nightie down when you’re done.”

Once a king, always a king. Once a knight is enough!

Chapter IV: The tools may be tarnished; but they get the job done!

On the Palm Springs senior circuit, squirrels aren’t the only ones burying their nuts. Frisky twosomes are regularly caught playing best ball on twilight greens.

Nursing homes are filled with sexed up seniors looking to scratch that 80-year-old itch. Women easily outnumber the fellas, leaving all the single ladies vying for a little slap and tickle.

Passion ebbs and flows. Intimacy is created by a simple hand hold, neck massage, or cuddle on the couch. But to feel truly connected, you gotta make a club sandwich!

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  1. Moi

    Too funny …. Some good belly laughs!

  2. Emily Hughes

    Hilarious! Thanks for the hearty laughter first thing this morning. Read it on my cell from bed. Haven’t even gotten up to pee or make coffee yet. Good start to my Saturday!

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