Entertainment

Entertaining Tips By The Decade

Teen Hootenanny

As teens entrusted to an empty house, we’d sneak our posse through the backdoor the minute our parents walked out the front. Hostessing skills ranged from zero to zilch.

Entertaining was simple. No water, snacks, glasses, or mix (unless you count powdered Tang sprinkled into hard stuff). Cauldrons of paralyzers were whipped up by ‘ma witches.

The morning after was spent patching cigarette burns in the poly-pile carpet, or discovering a water bong simmering in the sauna. Back then, all you needed was a record player and a good dealer. Card dealer, that is…

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College Shindigs

My first apartment masqueraded as a frat house. We regularly pulled all-nighters without cracking a book. At one point my GPA was so low, it had applebottom jeans and boots with the fur.

Entertaining had graduated to chips and dip, or blocks of marble cheese with melba toast. Cooking failures led to late night takeout, and added a cup size to my Freshman 15.

We didn’t own a vacuum, and dishes piled high in the sink. The bathroom walls were covered with hair spray, and regret.

Uptown Wingdings

We started the Surf and Slush winter beach bash as a home party, but assclowns and overcrowding drove us to community halls.

Enter eternal afterhours favourite: cold cuts, cheese, pickles, and white tray buns. The buzzed and befuddled inevitably asked, “What time is the midnight buffet…?”

Cleanup was gag-worthy due to sticky, stale beer bottles and soggy butts in the urinals. Throughout the years we’ve learned you’re only as strong as the speakers you dance on.

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Adulting Soirée

Everything changed in our 40’s. The bar was raised by stay at home Martha’s day-drinking and creating heavenly homemade spreads.

If you can’t get butter infused with the tears of virgin Dutch milk maids…store bought is fine.

Our crowd puts the whore in hors d’oeuvres. We can spread ‘em with the best of them, but friends don’t give a shit if you’re a domestic diva or not. They’re thrilled with chips and dip!

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No Fail Entertaining Tips

2-3 weeks beforeMake guest listChoose venuePick a themeEmail invites
5 days aheadChoose menu, make grocery listClean house thoroughlyMake a playlistStock the bar
2-3 days priorGrocery shopDust off platters and serving dishesSet out recycling and garbage stationsStage the party for mingling
Lead-up dayWash, chop and prep foodDecorate if it’s a theme partyBuy flowersMix Sangria, let mellow overnight
Game dayFinish last minute cookingGive yourself time to shower, dress and unwindSet out foodProvide driving alternative options

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  1. eleanor leveille

    loving it !!! 🙂 🙂

  2. shelovesthedeal

    This is hysterical! and so True!!

  3. julie roper

    Soooo when are we having our ___ ____ party my dear???

    Julie

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