Entertainment

Body Language With Dick and Jane

Of all the things you wear,
your expression is the most important.

Have you ever wanted to see yourself through someone else’s eyes? People tend to judge within seconds of meeting you. As we prepare for our first speaking engagement, (we’re also available for weddings and bar mitzvahs), the importance of taming our body language becomes crystal clear. Finger pistols and middle finger forehead scratches are out. The struggle is real. We aspire to come across as infectious…but in a good way.

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Eyes / EyebrowsFun With JaneI'm A Dick
Raised browYou're kidding, right?Are you fuckin' with me?
Eye rolls You can’t see it over the phone.In my head I’m thinking STFU.
SquintingWhere’s my glasses?🍷🍷🍷You’re in deep shit.
Wide as saucersHoly cow!I'm really tripping man.
Side eye glanceSOS! Get me out of here.Asshole at 2 o’clock.
Furrowed browI call it my husband line.I’m plotting a murder.

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Head ShakingFun With JaneI'm A Dick
Nodding headI have no idea what you just asked...even after you repeated it twice. I agree, that’s total bullshit.
Shaking head noSorry honey, not gonna happen.Back the hell up!
Head thrown back Gut-splitting belly laughGargling with a salty seaman.
TiltThat deaf, dumb and blind kid sure plays a mean pinball.Really? That’s all you got?
Shoulder shrugI don’t have a clue.I don’t give a fuck.

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NoseFun With JaneI'm A Dick
ScrunchingEwww, tofu.Ewww, anal sex.
Plugging your noseDid you put on too much cologne?Did you just shit yourself?

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LipsFun With JaneI'm A Dick
PurseI love a good handbag.Deepens your lip lines, also known as cat's asshole.
PuckeringCome on over big boy.A selfie duck face is quacked.
Bite your lipThe most annoying line from 50 Shades of Grey.Saves me from blurting out insults.
Stick your tongue outA grown-up tantrum.Easily contained with wine.
YawningLacking sleep from my meno-somnia.And Maud says "Oh Lord! I'm so terribly bored!" I really can't stand it anymore... 🎶

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Arms / HandsFun With JaneI'm A Dick
Crossed armsA comfy position, and it holds up my headlights.My resting bitch stance.
Hands on hipsMy go-to model pose.Better than around his throat.
I’ve got one hand in my pocketAnd the other one is giving a high five.And the other one is playing pocket pool.
Hand over mouthOMG, that’s shocking.Hightailing it to the bathroom, spewing red wine between your fingers.
Shoulders hunchedIn elementary school, it helped hide my fully blossomed bosom.Defeated, depleted, feeling cheated.
Finger pointingWagging my finger.Tongue lashing.
Hand gesturesVal, on her third glass of red.Val, after a night of red and white. Now she has the blues.
Biting nailsWhat else would you do in a nail biting situation?I quit caring, and spit them out on the floor.
Finger snapI’m fabulous and all that.Get a move on!

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Legs / FeetFun With JaneI'm A Dick
Crossed legsI’m a lady.I have a dusty muffin.
Spread outThere’s no lady here.Airing it out.
Tapping footGrooving to the beat.Hurry-the-fuck up!

Ask yourself, are you a Dick or a Jane? Body language answers before you can. It conveys your mood without saying a word. So if you can’t say something nice…we’re going to be great friends.

To find out more about our speaking engagement, check out this week’s Sister Shout Out.

Tunes you should have on your iPod:
Meghan Trainor ✪ Lips Are Movin
Alanis Morissette ✹ Hand In My Pocket
Jake Bugg ✤ Two Fingers

Check out this week’s Sister Shout Out ~ Pandell Lipstick Luncheon

JOIN THE SISTERHOOD. Subscribe today!
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Sangria Wine Reel
Poker Face

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Join the discussion

  1. Bobbi Blackford

    Yaaaay….Grrrrr…
    Love the pic (and the body karate)
    Lori & Jager…kindred spirits & love the same beverages, hee!

    • Sangria Sisters

      That was a great trip Bobbi. Lori drew the short straw and was plopped in the back seat, next to your giant wet pooch! Love her expression!

  2. Bonnie

    You girls will be awesome!!

  3. Dawn

    I am a bit of both lol

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