Of all the things you wear,
your expression is the most important.
Have you ever wanted to see yourself through someone else’s eyes? People tend to judge within seconds of meeting you. As we prepare for our first speaking engagement, (we’re also available for weddings and bar mitzvahs), the importance of taming our body language becomes crystal clear. Finger pistols and middle finger forehead scratches are out. The struggle is real. We aspire to come across as infectious…but in a good way.
|Eyes / Eyebrows||Fun With Jane||I'm A Dick|
|Raised brow||You're kidding, right?||Are you fuckin' with me?|
|Eye rolls||You can’t see it over the phone.||In my head I’m thinking STFU.|
|Squinting||Where’s my glasses?🍷🍷🍷||You’re in deep shit.|
|Wide as saucers||Holy cow!||I'm really tripping man.|
|Side eye glance||SOS! Get me out of here.||Asshole at 2 o’clock.|
|Furrowed brow||I call it my husband line.||I’m plotting a murder.|
|Head Shaking||Fun With Jane||I'm A Dick|
|Nodding head||I have no idea what you just asked...even after you repeated it twice.||I agree, that’s total bullshit.|
|Shaking head no||Sorry honey, not gonna happen.||Back the hell up!|
|Head thrown back||Gut-splitting belly laugh||Gargling with a salty seaman.|
|Tilt||That deaf, dumb and blind kid sure plays a mean pinball.||Really? That’s all you got?|
|Shoulder shrug||I don’t have a clue.||I don’t give a fuck.|
|Nose||Fun With Jane||I'm A Dick|
|Scrunching||Ewww, tofu.||Ewww, anal sex.|
|Plugging your nose||Did you put on too much cologne?||Did you just shit yourself?|
|Lips||Fun With Jane||I'm A Dick|
|Purse||I love a good handbag.||Deepens your lip lines, also known as cat's asshole.|
|Puckering||Come on over big boy.||A selfie duck face is quacked.|
|Bite your lip||The most annoying line from 50 Shades of Grey.||Saves me from blurting out insults.|
|Stick your tongue out||A grown-up tantrum.||Easily contained with wine.|
|Yawning||Lacking sleep from my meno-somnia.||And Maud says "Oh Lord! I'm so terribly bored!" I really can't stand it anymore... 🎶|
|Arms / Hands||Fun With Jane||I'm A Dick|
|Crossed arms||A comfy position, and it holds up my headlights.||My resting bitch stance.|
|Hands on hips||My go-to model pose.||Better than around his throat.|
|I’ve got one hand in my pocket||And the other one is giving a high five.||And the other one is playing pocket pool.|
|Hand over mouth||OMG, that’s shocking.||Hightailing it to the bathroom, spewing red wine between your fingers.|
|Shoulders hunched||In elementary school, it helped hide my fully blossomed bosom.||Defeated, depleted, feeling cheated.|
|Finger pointing||Wagging my finger.||Tongue lashing.|
|Hand gestures||Val, on her third glass of red.||Val, after a night of red and white. Now she has the blues.|
|Biting nails||What else would you do in a nail biting situation?||I quit caring, and spit them out on the floor.|
|Finger snap||I’m fabulous and all that.||Get a move on!|
|Legs / Feet||Fun With Jane||I'm A Dick|
|Crossed legs||I’m a lady.||I have a dusty muffin.|
|Spread out||There’s no lady here.||Airing it out.|
|Tapping foot||Grooving to the beat.||Hurry-the-fuck up!|
Ask yourself, are you a Dick or a Jane? Body language answers before you can. It conveys your mood without saying a word. So if you can’t say something nice…we’re going to be great friends.
To find out more about our speaking engagement, check out this week’s Sister Shout Out.
Tunes you should have on your iPod:
Meghan Trainor ✪ Lips Are Movin
Alanis Morissette ✹ Hand In My Pocket
Jake Bugg ✤ Two Fingers
Check out this week’s Sister Shout Out ~ Pandell Lipstick Luncheon
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Sangria Wine Reel