1. We drank out of a hose and lived to tell about it.
At full blast, a garden hose was the original waterpik, and a highspeed way to excavate popcorn kernels from your teeth.
2. Punch drunk
The sugar buzz resulting from gallons of purple Kool-Aid led to 1) our love of grapes, 2) a permanent ‘stache stain, and 3) a lifetime of dental work.
3. Drive-in movies were the the ultimate big screen
Pre-teen, jammie clad children camped on the hood of Dad’s car. Horny teens fondled awkwardly in the back seat of Dad’s car, grooving to G-rated movies in R-rated cars.
4. Old-school playgrounds that might have killed you
From searing hot cast iron slides, to tetanus inspired merry-go-rounds, hazardous playgrounds were a riot. The fun police have removed all risk by rebuilding them in childproof bubbles.
5. I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike
We were never two-tired to go for a spin. Flower-powered banana seats put the fun between your legs. Nowadays, I can’t sit down for a week because I broke my vagina in spin class.
6. Welcome to our “ool.” There’s no P in it.
We lived at the outdoor swimming pool. Green hair, don’t care. A combination of Sun-In and chlorine made our locks stiffen as hard as a teenage boy’s hankie.
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