1. FFN – Florence Fuckin’ Nightingale
– The name you call yourself when mothering a mate with the man flu.
2. STGF – Set The Girls Free
– Racing home to whip off your bra after a hard day of having breasts.
3. UTI – Unexplained Tequila Injury
4. MATH – Mental Abuse To Humans
– Bobby started his day with 12 fucks. He ended his day with a dozen fucks. How many fucks did Bobby give today?
5. ACNP – Adult Children of Normal Parents
– Not surprising, attendance at the annual meeting is generally very small.
6. FISH – Fuck It, Shit Happens
7. SOB – I don’t just ride the crazy train, I drive the Son Of a Bitch.
8. TMB – Too Many Birthdays
– Forget the candles, just set the cake on fire.
9. TBH – To Be Honest
– I encouraged my kids to make playdates with friends based on which Mom’s would wine with me.
10. TWAT – That Wingnut Acted Terribly
– Be yourself, everyone else is
already taken a twat.
11. RAK – Random Acts of Kindness
– I consider it an act of kindness when you see me out in public [without makeup] and you pretend you didn’t.
12. TMI – Too Much Information
– I woke up with frozen pipes this morning. I probably should add more fibre to my diet.
13. DHR – Double Hip Replacement
– Dear hockey goalies: the safe word is hip replacement. Ladies, shut your 5 hole.
14. TTYL – Talk To You Louder
– 10% of hearing loss results from dining out with a table full of women who just received dessert.
15. PMS – Prepare (to) Meet Satan
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